I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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