He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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