I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I only lived at night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's even glitter on my cock...
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