btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
