hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You smell like stripper and shame
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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