with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
