Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
