I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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