His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her vagine was all disorganized.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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