3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
