this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
