ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
