My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
