he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
