Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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