Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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