Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
