I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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