eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They have beer where we have blood.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
