I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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