I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
