So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
