I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
