My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
