If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
