I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
