Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
