Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
