I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
