He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
