Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
