Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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