i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
