Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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