Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
