it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
