Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
