getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
