sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
