Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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