I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
