nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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