life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
