Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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