I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
