What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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