about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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