So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
