Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
