What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize