I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
