Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
