I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
